do i look scary?

got this comment frm a fren of mine...probably some of you might even think so. but i've been reli wondering wat ya mean by scary? is it becoz of the eyes? the missing smile? the slow lumbering walk i hv and dat i'm a "loner" all of a sudden?

well firstly i'd hv to say the meds keeping my nose frm flowing like the hoover dam is keeping my energy levels at bay. not only is my sense of awareness low and my reaction time ancient...i feel reli numb and sedated. not sayin i enjoy not laughin and stuff and of course being alone...but for now, the on the task side of me is takin over...its not tat i dun wan the company...its just dat yea i just need to focus and catch up on lost time...it'd be gr8 for ppl to join me...but its ok even if there is nobody...

this is how it goes...heavy breakfast...skip lunch mug in lib till 7 home...rest an hr inclusive of dinner. then mug...mug till i cant lar...hai...sometimes when i m at home i just zone out...numb after all tat information overload...and today the only lesson i shut down was chem lect...manz...grp 2 grp 7 hv to relook dat again....

i cant afford to lose step now lar...i mean...ok i may be getting too hard on myself...forcing more than i can chew...but why not?...its the only way i'll be able to eat right? i noe i can do more. its just how much more do i wanna do? at my own pace as many things as possible pack it all inside my boxes and arrange em nicely...

well if i hv no smile, no sign of joy or anything. i'm just conservin energy k? i'm not angry at u. and yes if i speak with u i will flash a smile so to let u noe i'm not gonna eat u. so far the only food i hv is the books! all letters syllables and vowels! yum...

i noe ur concern for me...i noe it...but i guess this is a new addiction...i dun wanna be tat failure...i wanna prove u wrong...prove to myself and my parents tat i'm worth the money...coz after alll its all abt money rite? all abt time...

hai its my own doin...its my doin to make it...

its the sacrifice right? for a piece of paper...

anyway...yea guys i'm still ok...just dat i'm sedate...on drugs...and reli just conserving all the energy...

oh ya...an observation...i realise how obvious it is tat the librarian doesn't hv the guts to up his service...gosh it appalled me dat 10mins b4 closin he has the cheek to just turn off the lights while many of are still sloggin away. he could hv just said excuse me everyone the library is closin in 10mins. could u kindly pack away ur things. and do it with a smile. of course we would oblige coz a smile is wat many of us need especially when being so uptight and stressed and all. golly. is it too difficult to do dat? cmon i noe its ur job. but do u love it? dat u actually make us more irritated then being relieved dat we can go home peacefully? golly. i m appalled...totally...u just switch off the lights. tat was rude and disrespectful and despicable. oh wells. all i am askin is u smile. ur not a security guard. ur a librarian! ur suppose to be happy dat ur in charge of bks! u shd love em! geez...

i wonder...whether u love ur job...and i wonder if i would love mine....