__________

i dunnoe how to title this post. Probably just keep it blank just for the sake of it.

I dunnoe why I fear to come to this place to jot down my thoughts and reflections and points of view. I dunnoe why it becomes scary sharing lifes' journey. We are only scared when we are in the dark, but in the light, everything is revealed and there is no worry or fear. For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power love and a sound mind.(frm 2tim1:7) therefore why do i fear writting this now?

I was just readin eph5 and this 2 verses spoke up or pretty much describes wat i'm feeling,
5:12

For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.

5:13

But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light.

in the previous verses it was mainly imperatives by Paul to the ephesians, Namely wat a child of God shd be.(put in its simplest of terms. not gonna go through it but go straight to it)

Why this 2verses speak is becoz if shame and guilt come in, it means I hv sinned. Or am in sin and am too ashamed to even speak of the disgust of my very own actions. Its natural to be ashamed of the things tat weigh us down. Ashamed at the filth tat we've been gone through or am goin through. But ok pardon at the gravity of the words. But sometimes why we hide away our lives frm the light that has lifted us away frm this darkness is because of? Sin. If we are walking in the light nothing shd be hidden even so the Light will reprove it.

i just wanna come clean. wells i did mention in one of my posts abt this thing tat has affected my life. Quoting frm the post "i;ll just pen this down" "Also during this age I was introduced to pornography. Dirty shows. Degrading shows which I know has corrupted this mind of mine. I can say blame it on my brother and his frens for coming over to our place to watch it. It was to me at that age interesting. I was wondering what was that all about. And honestly sometimes I wish that I hadnt been exposed to it(i'll explain when the time comes)."

I guess the time is now. It says in Eph 5:8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:

Like the evangebracelet, light has no part in darkness, and I thank God i'm declaring war on darkness. I know some of us boys/men/guys or even gals dun reli like this topic I'm declaring war on. Becoz the word itself brings out this defense mechanism or maybe this nah i dun do it all the time, or maybe like PORN er why ya talkin abt tat...tats taboo...or oh no tat subject again. We become uneasy, uncomfortable, queasy, so best way to avoid this unpleasantness is bury it deep(but warn ya my fren if ya bury it and keep it in the dark, you're nourishing and incubating it to have a stranglehold in your life) and maybe some would say Never in a million years would it control me. BUt I thank God for those of you who have not been afflicted or aren't facing this dark cloud for preserving you. But I urge u dun get curious, dun be deceived nor be fooled tat what P(for convenience sake) portrays is REALITY. Just like Paul Urges in Eph5:3-5 let fornication and all uncleanness... not be named among you, or to be put into a more formal term let this WILFUL INDULGENCE not be named among u.

BUt if u're like me struggling and warring against this very cloud tat covers the gracious rays of Light tat shine on us so abundantly, do not be disheartened tat u will not inherit God's Kingdom nor will u be in a lesser standing then those who arent covered in this cloud because since we are children of Light all things tat are reproved are under light through our Lord Jesus and this LIght is the redeeming saving power of the Cross. Rather than speak of us being the victims of P, let us be victors as we share our hidden burdens to one another and be brother's keepers out of love rather than judge one another and go eeeeyer.

If we look at it, we thank God for making us sexual beings, for making us desire women(AMEN) and for creating sex(yes he did create tat which many think are sinful and I say it's not and I thank God He has assured me its not and we are meant to enjoy it), but becoz of sin we hv this perverted view of it and say it is unholy. What P reli is and it comes along with the M(hmmm how do i put this but if u can link it good enough but this moment i'll put it along as fantasising) is basically man's way of coveting tat which do not hv. Because sex is meant for those in marriage. And tat is without qn because sex and marriage was made during the perfect world before sin came.

So i wanna say it openly, I struggle with purity in my life. And though I am ashamed tat I fell tat i'm ashamed to even speak of it, and its saddening to hear, but I must burn the bridges tat lead me to this shame. And know that the work of the Cross is enough, the fact christ beared it all is everything. Which means not making pledges or sayin i wont do it again because lest we be called out of the light we who were dead will be given light(because if we're in the dark and are dead wat can we do?). Jesus is tat light. Its His power tat can make us stand strong. Now I'm not sayin or I pray I'm not giving the idea tat its ok to sin. NO its not ok. God is saddened at the fact His child is still walkin in the dark and not realising the light he is in, wat i'm sayin is to acknowledge it and embrace the light. Let the light reveal tat which is in the dark and be free. So make war. Declare war. wells it doesnt mean u do it like me but i pray you who is strugglin, let not those voices speak to u and say u r unworthy of Him, because He is always ready to forgive. Always. and tonight is gonna be when I'll praise Him for its a long time waitin to say this and deal with this.

and i thank God for sending ppl, and circumstances and healing in my life.

Never forget the power of your testimony. though u may think ur story is nothing compared to other ppl, you are His creation, His story to show how great He is in your life. you may hv said a sinners prayer, you may hv reaffirmed your faith, you may have been baptised or may hv accepted some persons bracelet or story in ur life. But it doesnt end there. Everyday is the same process of acknowledging who He is and by living it out. He is blessing u, He is talking to you, He is reaching out, He is doin so much for you, but have u sat down and reli thanked Him? or hv u read the words He wants to say to u? How have u kept this relationship goin? We are so blessed with many things yet we are not grateful at how gracious He is in everything. Take time to be Holy.

this past few days i've been reli reli caught up with laziness, tat only now thank God i'm workin. and in a mths time I'll be reli working. got the teaching thing at NIE, thank God for it, esp in times where the economy seems like shambles, thank God for jobs and for this door. As for KC, kuya, i want to go, but it seems like i may not coz of this job. But if the door is shut we know for sure tat the door between you and me isnt till it reli is. But yea gonna pray for tat. Miss ya. and for camp prep it seems tat God is reli merciful and gracious. thurs gonna work with some of the com on the bklet and other things, and thank GOd i'm talkin with Sujay and the games. gonna talk more with him this fri. looking forward to dec. and there is rumour i'm goin to philippines in dec after christmas...hmmmm. kp ya all updated.

anyway i stumbled on this song...i guess let that passion for christ help us walk in the light as children of God. though we may not hv the courage to step out of the darkness don't ignore the light tat is shining on you...let it show you that there is nothing to fear.

.

How's your love life?

my first new wk away from regimentation. Still cant get my computer to work. Or more like I just gave up on tat fella. So I was pestered by someone to type somethin since i'm not reli doin anythin. and i intended to wake up at 6 today and exercise, but i guess the bed was reli comfortable. anyway i'll make up with salsa at 7.30 later. hahas.

anyway interestin title aye? How's your love life? its a valid qn too.

I can ask it in many different ways yet, the first thing i noe tat would come most of ya, love life? You mean between me and a significant other? Me and THE ONE. Wells if you think it that way, ok good. Coz ur interested in my earthly matters. But watabt my other love life? With the Significant One? Have you ever wondered if its fine?

ANd I pose this qn not only to myself but to others as well. How's your love life with God? Do you even have one in the first place? And if this thing abt a love life with God unsettles u or confuses you, and ur thinking wat in the world am I talking abt, How can this God who is so holy and mighty be so personal?

The answer is simple, because He is. Because He wants to. He's reaching out. Has always been reaching out. Frm the first man till now, It was never reli abt us but Him.

The relationships we have are mirrors of the beauty of the relationship we can have with a King, Saviour, Lord and friend.

Am I just sayin this out of my own words? Hmmm, wells the Bible does say somethin abt a Love relationship with Him. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

If He didn't first love us we wont be able to Love Him. It's His love that compels us to this relationship. This love life. But to love Him? What's tat suppose to mean?

John 15:10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.

Keeping His commandments. Obedience. TOugh right? Coz we know we're not faithful to this love life. We are adulterers in our own ways. Because our old flesh seems to over power the spirit in us. But is tat always so? Is it not that because of the cross He has overcome death? And that the shackles of sin which we were once bound were broken because of His death on the cross? So is it valid to say such things? No. If we keep on sayin I'm weak I'm weak, its like telling Jesus our Lord and saviour, I dun believe you are my strength to overcome my difficulties in life.

He showed the example of a love relationship with His father. Obedience to the pt of death on the cross. He died for us. It showed the ultimate act of Love that our Father in heaven has done. Ur life, ur salvation is more impt than His son.

So how is ur love life? What hinders that from flourishing? How are u abiding in His love if u dun keep his commandments? If u dun abide in Him?

We always wanna be tat perfect person for tat someone who is on earth, who just like you and I will one day die, but are we trustin in Him to make us that perfect person for Him who is the same yesterday today and forever?

I'm not sayin my love life is perfect. I'm not sayin I hv the answers.

How do we know how to keep such a relationship if we dun read His love letter, dun talk to Him, dun think of Him, dun spend time with Him. We can set time with those ppl on earth but God? whom we shd give our all, we devote maybe just a sunday or a saturday?

So how's your love life? I'm thinkin of tat too. How is my love life, because just as it said in
matt 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.' This relationship demands our priority, it demands our first as everythin else is secondary and over time will be added unto you. And if u are not in this relationship or want to have it, just ask. He has always been wanting to Love you. And it doesn't end by just accepting in word, its a life long process of melting u in His furnace to become the lover who'll enjoy Him forever...

So HOw's your love life? I'm working on it!

How

1yr 10mths u were always there...

its another close to a chapter. another piece in this big puzzle tats been laid out for me. this will always be a tagline in my blog....

i just glanced through my previous entries a yr back and i realised wow. Who is tat guy talkin there? Who is that person always so cool abt things happening ard him and the confidence he has in his God? And why is his outlook always so positive? What makes him say those things?

1yr 10mths. What a transition, what a phase in life, what a walk with my God!

I'm still in a reflective mood. Cant stop thanking God for everything He has done for me in this chapter of my life. Of the ppl i've met along the way. Of the grace that I've experienced. Of the ability to serve in the church during this time of busy-ness. Honestly I owe it all to His grace than anything. Its not tat I deserve it but seeing that He has granted the requests I hv desired in my heart, that I wanna hold on to Him forever.

Hai. Cant believe its over. Cant believe it. But ya its finally over.

So how does it feel to be normal?
I do wonder what is normal? Does it mean being in charge of my life? Being able to be away frm systems, protocols, routine? Honestly I dunnoe. a part of me doesnt want it to end. yet a part of me accepts that though its the end of service of my full-time stint, its the beginning of another phase in the defence of this nation...

ok i'm reli being random now but yea. its just amazing. Tats the only word i can think of. Amazing.

So wats nxt? For the moment its finishing this yr. esp in the youth ministry. i reli thank God for wat he has done for the youth ministry this year. You never left us though many ppl have left. and yea i'm looking forward to this period of uncertainty. I'm also waiting for the interview results for my teaching thing. shd i look for a job? wells maybe maybe not. anyway i just wanna say thank you Lord.

I wish i could hv written it in more detail(and coherence) but i just cant seem to piece em all together. These memories will always remind me of a time when you were so close. Even the grace of allowing me to visit my spiritual heritage near the end of this journey is reli epic! I'm amazed that you a God so holy, would do this just for me...

I thank you and praise you! U were always there. Frm 13th Jan 2007 till 12th Nov 2008. You were there. I love you! I cherish you. And I cant thank you enough for all this.

And as I look on, in your time lord!

You have shown me Lord for this past yr and 10mths that you do indeed make all things beautiful even me Lord. And I thank you for the work you're doing in me. And I know this blessing wont stop here. In your time a beautiful thing will happen in the lives of others and I know I must kp sharing this joy with em and pt them to the source of all this joy. The Joy of being in Him, the joy of being a soldier, slave for Him. and you hv indeed kept your word you've given me. Ps32:8. In your time Lord. In your time.

I wish i could put a pic. But yea. till nxt time.

com's in a fix

ok i'm not reli using my pc now, using my bros so apparently my computer broke down, think the hardisks are corrupted or something, so tats sorta holding me up right now frm uploadin pics and finishing up some stuff...tsk. how infuriating tat it cant even repair itself. hahas. easiest is to just re-install windows but means re-installing other things...but oh wells.

anyway will put carry on with other things later once my com's better. it could be a bug could be anythin...i dunnoe tsk...

till nxt time lar  i guess. 

a wk on...

I cant believe how the new puzzle is slowly coming to place. I can't believe that there are ppl in this tgt with me yet it'll take alot of convincing(not tat i'm selling some new thing or wat but to make them trust the Lord more than in me) and prayer for the rest of the things to fall into place.

anyway wanted to say a wk on frm my philippines trip and it seems like yesterday since I've returned. What has changed, what has happened so far? Have I changed? Have I done wat I'm supposed to?

wells the Lord reminded me of who I reli am. or more like the Lord showed me tat i cant keep sitting ard idling away and expect things to happen. Its more get off your bum, start doin and fill ur mind with the right things bro...

burning bridges, building up defenses, strengthening the mind and suffering the flesh. ok all so figurative but truthfully in this walk of faith we must trust that in what we want(as long as its in line with God's will) we know He is watching over it and it's Him tat is completing the work in us but it doesnt mean we lie ard doin nth coz tats not biblical(correct me if i'm wrong). coz its the same as sayin this and tat abt somethin yet ur not involved and not doin anythin so does ur sayin hv any value? 

and i'm reminded in james tat we shdn't be hearers but doers of the word lest we deceive ourselves. Practical no? hehe

anyway thoughts of my SG are coming back again. Kuya Mark tat chat reli lar....like dat lar....hai i wanna connect with you guys again. But oh wells i'm getting busy with the youth stuff dito tat how i wish wat i saw sa lcdc can be replicated here. But here's the reality tat I am reminded time and time again. 1. culture 2. upbringing and 3. priorities...haiya dun wanna compare but wat to do. and a.karis wat u said wat if ppl dun wanna hear wat i hv to say? 

anyway hv to contextualize it here to the culture and stuff. anyways i reli miss the philippines. but we must press on. we must becoz if we keep looking back, i just recall lot's wife....

i still cant thank God enough. He is good. and i treasure every opportunity you give me Lord. and Kuya mark. grabe. :) 

anyway as i look ahead, i got a youth outreach nxt sat, my baptismal on sunday(grabe my testimony took a page and a half in the newsline...) but oh wells maybe put it here tomolo. 

i'm thinkin of you guys.....haiz. ANd I thank God for it. wondering how u all are doin! pipz, emie, irene, k.mark, a.karis, kevin... good memories are a gift! bad memories make u remember His grace. Memories are His way of telling us I was there all along!

Admiring God's creations

sayang i din bring my cam today or i would hv put a pic of wat i saw today that spurred me to write this. oh ya i found this at google images.

when I saw this creature at the night safari i was like pretty amazed at how small this creature was. Esp its legs. The loook so small that my dad was commenting its proportion is abit wrong. But i admired the design. I was thinking who could hv thought of a design like this. And there I was remembering God creating every creature on the land and how he said it was very good. I can only imagine how happy He was. But He was and is.

God is reli purposeful in his creation, nothin can reli happen without someone thinkin of the creatures functions thoroughly? Like we cant say all of a sudden I wanna eat through my nose because I want to be a superior species because we're not meant to although it can still lead to the gullet, we're not designed that way. And although we may hv similar designs to our ape frens, one thing tat wasnt built into em was this, they werent made in the image of God and they weren't given a soul. wells we can carry on with this argument but ya i thank God for creating these creatures(all em in night safari) to remind us of who He is.

anyway tats just somethin i wanna say here. hehe.

sidetrack:

The cost of discipleship?

if it means putting aside feelings and emotions

if it means putting God first in everything

Would you actually do it?

Committing everything to Him and not turning back

A gamble? or an investment?

There is no guarantee or security in the things on this earth

But a promise of an eternal life

Not the kind of life where we keep burning again and again

or a life where its a second earth with all the earthly things

but a life thats beyond anything on earth

where there'll be singing and worship and enjoying Him

so what does it cost to be a disciple of christ?

It cost Him His life on a a tree

What about you?

Will you give your life just like Him

was just thinking of our talk just now. was thinking its best if God's in the center. seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, then all this things shall be added unto you and that we don't hv to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry for itself because there is enough trouble today(ok if i misquoted correct me but its frm matt 6:33-34) and yea reli everythin else will be added...wat a promise and I'm thankful you do see it that way too because its not reli about you and me. ok will end na here. God's good. 

Through the valley of Baca...

Anyway was crackin my brain for the past days since camp ended how am i gonna write all this because as I'm recalling events in camp, i've been moving forward in puttin my realisations into place(thank GOd of course). But oh wells it doesnt hurt just to mention my lil journey through the dessert and into the wells and pouring of the rains.

To summarise everythin that happened in the past 10 days, i would say its a blessing only God can give. Looking how everythin fell into place and the people who are placed in my path to journey in this life is reli a gift only God can give. How do I say it? Wells Ps 84:5-6 explains it the best.

[5] Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee; in whose heart are the ways of them.
[6] Who passing through the valley of Baca make it a well; the rain also filleth the pools.

LCDC Camp, The Lord's Garden, Calamba Laguna 23rd-29th October 2008.

Nothing happens by coincidence. Nothing happens by chance. And this I am assured when I met this person at camp.

Honestly coming to this camp I really had no prior knowledge of anything. Like who'll I meet, wat will I expect or watever. And never did I expect to bump into Kuya Mark. We've got history. Surprising to know that I forgot about him till I saw him on that fine day. And GOd is such a wonderful God that He can send the right person for ya at the right moment. So its kinda a reminder that even in uncertainties, trust is the key here. Because HE will provide. Like He did for K.Mark to help me in my journey in LCDC and beyond-how the beyond will work, wells I know he has left his door open and its up to me to walk in every now and then because in some way he is an answered prayer.

And honestly so are my sg mates
Till today I can't reli get them out of my head. How I grew affectionate for my lil bros pipz and kevin. Miss them both. Especially the doin everythin together bit. Even though I had probs with my own language(tagalog), I thank God for just being able to communicate with em and share moments tgt. As for the gals(Irene andEmie), never reli had times of interaction or reli gettin to know who they are, but it didn't matter coz when our sg gets together for games and stuff, we may be dull or dead but once we're on song. Make way ppl SG6 is on the roll. Especially tat finger game! Miss it when A.Karis who surprisingly is pretty mischievious in such games. But yea knowing all of ya just makes me see how amazing it is tat we all came frm different parts, Quezon City, Cavite, Mindorro, Las Pinas city(ok m relyin on the contact sheet for this) and singapore. Its amazing how it seems our main purpose was to separate. Profound? hahas. I guess wat we'll carry are just pieces of each other in our lives whom we'll use to bless others as we've been bless with the company of each other

Special mention to my bunkmates from CELL DE UNO!!!! probably the most hip bunk in the whole of the Lords Garden. HEHE. BUt reli I enjoyed our cabin devotions and sharings and how we wanted to keep awake especially on the last day to just hear one another out(but i was reli zonked out). Then there was K.Mark who'd like trick late comers to sing-only happened once but soon after it was common understanding. Poor cesar fell for tat on the first day(i'm reli blessed by this(cesar) person's life. Shows how God's unconditional love to all. I underline tat highlight watever to ALL, its not limited its to all for all and its whether we respond to it or not.) but in the end wat our cell had was somethin tat i wont trade for anythin. How accepting we were to each other and how durin big events we'd ask each other for help. All applause for CELL DE UNO!



I just miss em. But back to reality JUST.

A camp is basically a reality away from reality. I can say I wish i lived there for the rest of my life where daily we will sing praises and worship. Enjoy the company. But thats not what God wants anyway becoz we're meant to be in the world yet not part of it. To be salt and lights wherever we are.

Anyway its amazing how the journey after LCDC would be. That's why i reli do appreciate this camp v.much for the final challenge where it "rocks" your world.

So I'm here and they are there. Its natural to forget, natural to just not want to put that extra effort and step out of comfort. Its natural. But I'm prayin that I will not forget. And I reli want to stay in touch even if they are so far. Like they'll all say, INGATZ...hehe.

Phil 1:3 I thank my God upon every remembrance of you,

And I'd say its reli God's grace that He will preserve our relationships, be it afar off or closeby. And I'm relatin this both to here and back there in pinas....Its a gift.

the theme song...it still is stuck in my head. But thank GOd!