cheek on hand...

its close to 3am as i stare blankly to this screen... just came back frm a fulfillin time out... spare the details... was with a fren i've rarely had the time to really talk with these days... anyway besides the pt.

i've probably come to a state whr sleep is a myth.... i close my eyes only to be terrorised by my thoughts and my body doesnt give in to the tiredness of the day... now even as i type my mind races... even with closed eyes the poundin my head receives frm the neurons firing nothin more than electron signals intensify... i noe in my mind i hv a long day ahead... but it seems not to want to rest. even as i type idun feel tired.... my mind kps on replayin incidents i dun wanna see or think of v.uneccessary... hai.... i m goin crazy probably... insomniac?

anyway i realised a trait in me recently... i'm a loner by nature... probably i chose to be? but oh wells i shant dwell on dat coz most cases are isolated...

knowin in abt 2-3hrs i hv to get ready for the day... i m now slowly feelin the warmth of this "mornin".... in my worn clothes... i m just wasting... n with a blocked nose and a slight cough, who noes wat will arrive nxt...

ps. dun get alarmed... i'll be alright... i'll survive... hopefully... but watever it is my cheeks on my hand watchin as the day goes by... its already 1wk down... wat hv i done?> everyone seems to be workin? watabt me? whr do my goals lie? i shant ans em here... i noe whr it is... but when will i start that which i hv to do? soon? it will nvr come...

discipline...of mind... it starts within... its a cultivated habit... dats wat i lack... how to spread when u dun practice it urself? its subtle hypocricy... i m still thinkin wat it means... discipline of mind.... its sounds simple but wat is it? focus? hmmmm...

help me God... i.mpossible... through u...

time and space its still the same we shall see the outcome of this game...

goin for some enrichment tomolo and the17th... picked up the arts fest brochure... spent on i believe worth it shows... shd plan to spend more on such stuff if i were to learn more abt this... anyway prayer for this time, i guess its health... been having apetite probs... and i feel signs of sickness(a blocked nose when blown mucus of a weird color appears, cough) and sleep and rest and of course discipline of mind... i may hv inferiority complex in the area of my studies coz there are alot of smarties out there and harworkers out there... but i noe in myself i can too... call it a rusted gear... anyway i got my first B of the yr...i'll say it wasnt luck but i feel its a signal of things to come and if i dun start now, it wont... tats all i gotta say and i noe most of u who noe me will say oh man here he goes again... same old speech same old words bla bla bla...nvr reli did wat he says... probably dats the discipline of mind dat i need...

i dunnoe if ppl feel dat once we hv to do it again it'll be cold... does the dream just die there? hanging? and so wat if we got it alr? i guess we cant let it die there... coz its our lives and no matter wat u do it will always be a part of u... and why r some of us so selfish as to not want to share wat we hv? i guess its only human... and like humans we think dat on this road we r the only vehicles on this expressway....but i dun wanna blame em... everyone has their reasons... and i noe dat some will never take this winding road again and prefer a mapped out route on their highway to some destination....but i guess like all cars on the same road, some will definitely take another road...its a turn they made and all we who kp to this road just hv to kp our eyes on the road...and if we were a caravan at least u'll say whr ur goin b4 u take tat turn...

superficial...suspicion...its all ard...who noes... dun read into this too much... its early in the mornin how much of this stuff reli makes sense? n probably this world needs less ppl like me...
gdnight world...

cheek on hand... sighing at the thought of this world ard me...