it was calculated

not really in a good mood. Cant reli stand myself when I feel this way. Cant believe that church is STRESSFUL. its the martha syndrome.

what was the cause of today's despair? I'm wondering if i should use an analogy or just go straight to the point. today I almost gave up on singing and practically thought of just walking out and not looking back. I was burning, I was not happy. But I will just let it be and just glorify God now for holding me and reminding me.

I wonder why do I hold back when I had every right to just let go. ALthough I did let it out I tried my best to keep it in. I understand the situation and the plight and it was not as if we had other choices. I see where they are coming from but why cant they see where we were coming from? I don't wanna pursue anything and I shall just resign to the situation and say Lord I wont stop doin what you told me but I'll just let u do wat u want to.

Forgive me for these feelings and renew this mind of mine. I am reminded of the actions of the people but I will not hold it against them for they don't see the reason why we do what we do. It was calculated but I didn't see the words coming. Nor did I see these feelings controlling my actions. I will not hold it against them but all I'll do is to be strong.

Discouraged? Yes. Unhappy? Definitely. Need to carry on like this? NO. I thank God for stilling my heart and making me see that just feeling the negative makes the situation worse. It just makes one miserable and they won't see the fulfilment of Rom8:28. Why would I hide, why would I pretend nothing happened? I was wrong, I was told off but I will just ask forgiveness and not hold anything against them. I shall just let it go and let God work. If it means eating some humble pie.

I was not a victim but I was a son being tested by His father. He wants to see that I understand what it means to be like Him. To be conformed to His death and to be part of His sufferings. Thank you Lord for this lesson. For this lesson to see beyond circumstances. But I pray people will see you in all this. That you be glorified not me.Have thine own way, Lord!

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Thou art the potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after thy will,
while I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Search me and try me, Savior today!
Wash me just now, Lord, wash me just now,
as in thy presence humbly I bow.

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me I pray!
Power, all power, surely is thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine!

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Hold o'er my being absolute sway.
Fill with thy Spirit till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me!

How amazing if everyone can say this with much conviction.

Have Thine Own Way - Our Daily Bread