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i dunnoe how to title this post. Probably just keep it blank just for the sake of it.

I dunnoe why I fear to come to this place to jot down my thoughts and reflections and points of view. I dunnoe why it becomes scary sharing lifes' journey. We are only scared when we are in the dark, but in the light, everything is revealed and there is no worry or fear. For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power love and a sound mind.(frm 2tim1:7) therefore why do i fear writting this now?

I was just readin eph5 and this 2 verses spoke up or pretty much describes wat i'm feeling,
5:12

For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.

5:13

But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light.

in the previous verses it was mainly imperatives by Paul to the ephesians, Namely wat a child of God shd be.(put in its simplest of terms. not gonna go through it but go straight to it)

Why this 2verses speak is becoz if shame and guilt come in, it means I hv sinned. Or am in sin and am too ashamed to even speak of the disgust of my very own actions. Its natural to be ashamed of the things tat weigh us down. Ashamed at the filth tat we've been gone through or am goin through. But ok pardon at the gravity of the words. But sometimes why we hide away our lives frm the light that has lifted us away frm this darkness is because of? Sin. If we are walking in the light nothing shd be hidden even so the Light will reprove it.

i just wanna come clean. wells i did mention in one of my posts abt this thing tat has affected my life. Quoting frm the post "i;ll just pen this down" "Also during this age I was introduced to pornography. Dirty shows. Degrading shows which I know has corrupted this mind of mine. I can say blame it on my brother and his frens for coming over to our place to watch it. It was to me at that age interesting. I was wondering what was that all about. And honestly sometimes I wish that I hadnt been exposed to it(i'll explain when the time comes)."

I guess the time is now. It says in Eph 5:8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:

Like the evangebracelet, light has no part in darkness, and I thank God i'm declaring war on darkness. I know some of us boys/men/guys or even gals dun reli like this topic I'm declaring war on. Becoz the word itself brings out this defense mechanism or maybe this nah i dun do it all the time, or maybe like PORN er why ya talkin abt tat...tats taboo...or oh no tat subject again. We become uneasy, uncomfortable, queasy, so best way to avoid this unpleasantness is bury it deep(but warn ya my fren if ya bury it and keep it in the dark, you're nourishing and incubating it to have a stranglehold in your life) and maybe some would say Never in a million years would it control me. BUt I thank God for those of you who have not been afflicted or aren't facing this dark cloud for preserving you. But I urge u dun get curious, dun be deceived nor be fooled tat what P(for convenience sake) portrays is REALITY. Just like Paul Urges in Eph5:3-5 let fornication and all uncleanness... not be named among you, or to be put into a more formal term let this WILFUL INDULGENCE not be named among u.

BUt if u're like me struggling and warring against this very cloud tat covers the gracious rays of Light tat shine on us so abundantly, do not be disheartened tat u will not inherit God's Kingdom nor will u be in a lesser standing then those who arent covered in this cloud because since we are children of Light all things tat are reproved are under light through our Lord Jesus and this LIght is the redeeming saving power of the Cross. Rather than speak of us being the victims of P, let us be victors as we share our hidden burdens to one another and be brother's keepers out of love rather than judge one another and go eeeeyer.

If we look at it, we thank God for making us sexual beings, for making us desire women(AMEN) and for creating sex(yes he did create tat which many think are sinful and I say it's not and I thank God He has assured me its not and we are meant to enjoy it), but becoz of sin we hv this perverted view of it and say it is unholy. What P reli is and it comes along with the M(hmmm how do i put this but if u can link it good enough but this moment i'll put it along as fantasising) is basically man's way of coveting tat which do not hv. Because sex is meant for those in marriage. And tat is without qn because sex and marriage was made during the perfect world before sin came.

So i wanna say it openly, I struggle with purity in my life. And though I am ashamed tat I fell tat i'm ashamed to even speak of it, and its saddening to hear, but I must burn the bridges tat lead me to this shame. And know that the work of the Cross is enough, the fact christ beared it all is everything. Which means not making pledges or sayin i wont do it again because lest we be called out of the light we who were dead will be given light(because if we're in the dark and are dead wat can we do?). Jesus is tat light. Its His power tat can make us stand strong. Now I'm not sayin or I pray I'm not giving the idea tat its ok to sin. NO its not ok. God is saddened at the fact His child is still walkin in the dark and not realising the light he is in, wat i'm sayin is to acknowledge it and embrace the light. Let the light reveal tat which is in the dark and be free. So make war. Declare war. wells it doesnt mean u do it like me but i pray you who is strugglin, let not those voices speak to u and say u r unworthy of Him, because He is always ready to forgive. Always. and tonight is gonna be when I'll praise Him for its a long time waitin to say this and deal with this.

and i thank God for sending ppl, and circumstances and healing in my life.

Never forget the power of your testimony. though u may think ur story is nothing compared to other ppl, you are His creation, His story to show how great He is in your life. you may hv said a sinners prayer, you may hv reaffirmed your faith, you may have been baptised or may hv accepted some persons bracelet or story in ur life. But it doesnt end there. Everyday is the same process of acknowledging who He is and by living it out. He is blessing u, He is talking to you, He is reaching out, He is doin so much for you, but have u sat down and reli thanked Him? or hv u read the words He wants to say to u? How have u kept this relationship goin? We are so blessed with many things yet we are not grateful at how gracious He is in everything. Take time to be Holy.

this past few days i've been reli reli caught up with laziness, tat only now thank God i'm workin. and in a mths time I'll be reli working. got the teaching thing at NIE, thank God for it, esp in times where the economy seems like shambles, thank God for jobs and for this door. As for KC, kuya, i want to go, but it seems like i may not coz of this job. But if the door is shut we know for sure tat the door between you and me isnt till it reli is. But yea gonna pray for tat. Miss ya. and for camp prep it seems tat God is reli merciful and gracious. thurs gonna work with some of the com on the bklet and other things, and thank GOd i'm talkin with Sujay and the games. gonna talk more with him this fri. looking forward to dec. and there is rumour i'm goin to philippines in dec after christmas...hmmmm. kp ya all updated.

anyway i stumbled on this song...i guess let that passion for christ help us walk in the light as children of God. though we may not hv the courage to step out of the darkness don't ignore the light tat is shining on you...let it show you that there is nothing to fear.

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