wats up?(just a short story)

i'm writting a critique about me. i think I know me yet i don't noe me. I see me in the mirror and I ask myself who is that person staring back at me? Do I know you or do you even know me? I analyse again with a thought of me in me....I ponder and wonder, compare and decipher, contrasting the many me's from times past and from times that should be.

Like how come I am giving excuses where I used to not give up and reli put my all into something i believes in. Where i'll be so devoted, so INTO it and not let anythin get in my way. Tat's me...or so I think abt me.

I couldn't care less wat others thought of me, or so I thought that of me, but deep within me it did matter becoz there is this little hint of an insecure me. A need to feel needed, a need to be somebody's impt someone or even a thing as long as it longed for me...

I felt contented with me, i knew me....

but little did I know....

what I thought I knew abt me, shocked me. Why can't I be the me I want to be. Why when I worked so hard everything seemed to crumble. I just can't do it, I just tremble at the thought of it all. Even when people remind me, people guide me and yet I just cant be able to make me do it. I know. I know. yet when it comes to the time to reli believe in me, i just say i cant...

it affected the whole of me...what's wrong with me? everything tat seems good for me becomes distorted......

I began to hate the face in the mirror, I began to loathe at every glance I made at me, I couldn't believe that I am me, how and why can I still stand here and cause everything tat has happened ard me...i know i've gone this far but why do i still hinder me from carryin on...

i was in a whirpool, I couldnt get out of it, I was being sucked in. All of me was diminishing slowly, I didn't know now wat would become of me. where was I? where am I? who am I? I kept tumbling down and down into this abyss not knowing where it'll end...will it end i wondered...

as I tumbled down, all of me was clinging to an unknown hope. I dunnoe wat made me think of it, i knew it. I know it. BUt i never believed it becoz I just cant believe it all....

i dunnoe which part of me uttered it, but I remember the words I said, "Take my life, and let it be, LORD!" Save me!...I can't take me anymore!

Like glass shattering, and the clanging of cymbals, a trumpet sounded and the abyss ended and light flooded the darkness. I fell in the arms of a man and He shone so brightly that I had to hide my eyes beneath His glorious wings. He set me down and I dare not look up becoz knowing me, I didn't deserve this. And he said,"Fear not my child. for you are mine. You may not know who you are, but I know you. I have searched you and tried you, I know your downsitting and uprising, even to the strands on your head. From the moment you were conceived, I knew you. And now I call you to be mine and acclaim to all that it was never about you. You have lived your life following the path everyone is treading and now I call you to a narrow and difficult path, you may doubt me, yourself or even the people you will serve but I am with you always. And nothing can separate you from my presence."

He reached out His hand and touched my lips, and he reached for my heart, and breathed new life in it. It was beating and new blood was flowing. It wasn't mine. It wasn't me. IT was Him. He was in me!

Tears overflowed and i couldn't lift my face from the ground as I could still sense His presence, yet when I lifted my face, He was gone yet He was still there. Where? I could sense Him, I could feel Him, I placed my hand on my chest, and there he was in the deepest chambers of my heart. He is encompassed me with His never ending embrace.

I took tat step and never looked back. All the hate before has turned to praise for I have been fearfully and wonderfully made, for He has searched me and tried me and knows my downsitting and uprising and that I cant escape His presence even to the deepest darkest depths of Hell He is there, just like He did when I was saved...

Now as I a look at me, I dun bother abt who I see, becoz I only wanna see Him in me. It's no more abt me or about that person nxt to me or the other person I know who walks with me, for they are just like me, but its all abt Him. And the mirror is His word that i hid in my heart tat as I walk this life, ppl dun see me, but Him in me. I pray Lord you be glorified, not me. Tat a sinner saved by grace wants to see you be glorified more than Him. That more sinners see that in the darkest deepest and most upsetting of times, He is tat light setting sinners like me free! and I carry on working out my salvation in fear and trembling.....


Found this song. Remembering the times I loved and am still in love with psalty kids praise and How I thank God tat I grew up with this songs. (they were cassette tapes and I recall how we looked for every tape produced. Amen praise the Lord!)