just as i am...

i guess i found out why i cant seem to express wat i wanna express this pass few days. Why my thoughts are jammed pack but when my fingers go on the keyboard i go blank. Like I guess this is me? This is who I am. But honestly I believe that knowing who I am and how I tick is wat God wants us to know. To be able to understand ourselves, our thoughts, our personalities. LIke why am I unlike the other guy. Or like why is it that another person can memorise formulas like drinking water while I cant. I guess its amazing that God gives us this abilities to understand ourselves. And I feel that through understanding who we are we can see how God can work in our lives? And also through understanding ourselves we can know how much we reali need Him.
In the bible its full of personalities. It wasnt full of ppl who did things for God. It wasnt full of ppl who just wanted to please Him according to how they perceive things. Who would decide for themselves that this was the way I want to please God. No. It was full of ppl who did things in obedience and becoz God wants them to do so. There is a difference, becoz if we were to do as we think, than we are just practicing a religion. But in the bible they did because they understood their standing with God.

Now this thought occured to me, the story of david and goliath. David was a shepherd boy and all he knew was how to throw stones. And during the confrontation btw him and goliath, did he use the sword and armor that Saul gave him?(read 1sam17:39) No he didn't but if u go on, he just went as he is. A shepherd boy against the philistine warrior. Now if u look at vs37 there is somethin in dat verse whr we can see dat david knows who God is. Because with his relationship with God, he was delivered him frm the animals that attacked him. And he knows dat he can and is sure by being who he is n with wat he has learnt so far(throwing stones with his sling), can he then defeat the giant with God by his side(and as his strength). Isn't it amazing that david through his experiences with God and knowing who he is, he was able to defeat the giant by being who he is?

So does God want us to go into our battles with our man made armours and swords and by wat we think would win the battle?

Wells my pt is dat if we are the christian we say we r, how sure r we that in the things we do and say that we r doin wat God wants from us? We may say we r frm this denomination and that and do this and tat but how much of u is reli in it and reli do stand by it? Wat difference does it make if one does all his practices and knows everythin abt christianity yet has never had this relationship with God or this closeness with Him? We may just be like martha goin abt our practices and preparation and miss out that one important thing that her sister mary found. That God wants us. Our attention, our focus everything to do with us He wants it. Wells I wouldn't wanna qn anythin but i wanna just say even for myself, i struggle daily to noe and to find out why things are as it is? And why I am who I am. And I realise I shdn't be troubled at all. But build on that closeness with GOd. And I thank God there are ppl who help me understand and I know its also HIm tryin to nurture me ultimately.

Now i just found out tat only in obedience will we build a relationship with God. Because that is wat He wants. And only in love for christ then will we obey. And because of our trust in what He has done for us that we are saved and are able to love and obey Him. And it is only God by His grace that we are saved.

Now therefore I even wonder if writtin as such is wat God wants me to do? I even wonder if thinkin and havin feelings for others is wat I shd even do? In this frantic search only one thing is pretty clear to me, just build upon that relationship and show that my repentance and faith is real. And in that process of knowing Him I know myself. And in doin so I will know wat He wants for me. Because as we put off our old self, God is at work. And as we put on our new self God is at work. SO why shdnt I hv a relationship when He is building me?

But unless God lets u see it, and unless God opens ur eyes, then will u noe the meanin of amazing grace how sweet the sound. And I pray that He does by His infinite grace. And even as I look at myself, I am no better than any of u. I still hv my faults, in the bible nobody was perfect except Jesus, therefore be not discouraged but be excited that God is goin to work. And I'm amazed that today I was even able to understand new truths. And in the process kp learnin and doing. Yea doing wat God wants rather than wat I want to do for Him. And coming just as I am and accepting who I am before God. And like all personalities in the bible, they all came to God just as they are and accepted who they were b4 God and did wat they did accordin to wat God wants frm them.


Just as I am, without one plea,
But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bidst me come to Thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot,
To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
Yea, all I need in Thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
Because Thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, Thy love unknown
Hath broken every barrier down;
Now, to be Thine, yea, Thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, of that free love
The breadth, length, depth, and height to prove,
Here for a season, then above,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!

by Charlotte Elliot

i do not intend to paint a rosy picture of myself or anythin but rather all I wanna say is tat I am just like any of u who r on this journey. As I walk this journey, I am also ready to fall and be corrected. I wouldnt say I am the most perfect or holy person around, but all I'm doin is just trying to learn what its all abt. Through my interaction with ppl, and the thoughts tat are in my head, i cant help but think if God was there. And honestly i tried once to write my day without God, and realised how mundane it was and "boring". But somehow i decided not to post it becoz of dat reason? Probably u'd think i'm crazy for using tat reason. BUt why shdnt he be in everythin i do say and think?