prayer..

I recall the final challenge again. Seated blind folded not knowing what to expect. And a voice whispers in my ear and says, "You're so passionate for the word, you have the passion to serve and to teach but what if no one wants to listen or shares that passion of yours?"

Today somehow I was confronted with that situation. As much preparation and questions and games you can plan- it can be the right thing to me but when put in front of them it could just be nonesense. I realise its tough. Ppl say its probably my teaching methods, maybe i dun play enough "interesting" games or I'm just too preachy or maybe plain old boring. Then I hear some say that they prefer other teachers than me because they like their style, but even so if they dun show the fear of the Lord or are not affected by the scriptures or dun even have tat basic interest or motivation to learn more abt God the Father....then wat for if lives aren't change?

I dun intend to put them down, maybe I dun reli understand them enough or maybe I'm just expecting too much from them or don't reli know them enough. 2 wks with them and it seems that I can't break through to them. Maybe this is wat I hv to admit. I can't do anything. All I can do is to sow the word as faithfully as possible and leave the change to God. Leave the growing and the convicting to the Holy spirit. I can't expect them to know the things I know because they don't know. I can't expect them to rise to my level because I know they are still growing. I see potential, I see a group of ppl whom the Lord can use for His glory. I can't blame them for their disuprtions and noise making because that is who they are. Interest can only be kindled by God. It is God who changes not me....

My role is just to be tat vessel, to remember that He is the vine and I'm just a branch and this 18 days of the new year is just another period of prunning so that I can grow in His grace and to show forth His glory in my life. I always marvel at my Dad's perseverance. My dad's never ending desire to accept ppl for who they are and teach despite ppl's hearts not tuned in to what the lesson is abt. I admire at the thought of Stephen preaching and even when the crowd threw him out and stoned him he prayed that GOd not charge them for this sin. I admire Paul who despite his reputation chose to defend the cross and to proclaim to live is christ and die is gain. I marvel at this ppl of faith and I wonder, God what is their secret? How do they still see hope in the light of all this trouble?

1 Tim 1:1...Jesus. He is the hope...

i think i'm not prayin enough. like many say if the word is food for the soul then praying is like breathing...just like in a relationship, sms's and emails cannot compare to a conversation on the phone or meeting face to face...i believe I know wat i need from God. Even as i think abt Jesus and His disciples, I bet he knew their weaknesses and He didn't get frustrated unlike me. But He turned this realisation to a teaching point for His disciples...And even if they were who they were He continued to teach them and not give up on them, He is a restorer of ppl...I think of Simon Peter when Jesus ask Him thrice Do you love me? to assure Him that God accepts who He is and is charging Him with the task at hand...Praise God for restoring our souls.

sometimes i feel i need to convince them, but then again i am reminded its not abt me...its not abt me...I shan't be puffed up, I shall just be faithful to who I believe. All this frustrations are just the devils way of psychoing me that I m inadequate and useless. Jeremaiah just came to mind. He had a tougher time, prophesying to a generation of ppl who will not listen yet God said carry on to prophesy and warn them of the judgement. He cried, He prophesy and yet He did wat he was called to...

So if I'm put into this I hv to stay true to the calling and stir up the gift and desire God has placed in me. So despite all this difficulty I still praise you Lord. For I know its all abt you. Lesser of me more of you. You take control, you humbled me, and you are reminding me that I'm just ur vessel, your tool to do as you wish to your ppl. You are my help, my guide, my might and strength. I pray u teach me not to fear, but to be strong and of good courage. I know you are with me all the way and ur word would not return void. I pray for my kids and lift them up to you tat u be real to them. But I've learnt through them that there is more to learn abt you...

i'm always reminded again tat its not by might nor by power...I hv to trust you even more...Be my might and power Lord. You increase and I decrease...

and i thank you Lord for this lesson and u always bring me back to this song...and to the word...that ultimately its all abt you.

Its Not By Might - Psalty