am i living a life too small?

honestly one of the thoughts in my head tat came to mind was who am i? Why would God give me this opportunity to do what I'm doin with my life? Why would I bother to take upon the burden for the youth ard me. Its not because I can do it, its not because I am capable, its not because I hv the spare time for it or because I have resources and the talent to do so. Its because of Him. Its because He wants to show others that even a person such as me can do His work. I aint boasting but reli if I wanted it, I would rather be a free loader but tat was not wat i wanted. I prayed for a ministry this year to serve. The Lord gave me 2tim2:2 or maybe the whole of 2timothy to digest and learn something tat is meant for all. But the most amazing thing is how the Lord has through this ministry made me grow closer to my parents and for the first in my life reli pray for one another and together and open up. Honestly I wont say its the end but today as I thought abt the things tat happened and watched the movie, this qn came in my mind...

Am I living a life too small for Him? in the sense what am I living for? what are my priorities. IN my current circumstances how does He be King of all? Am I looking for satisfaction tat ppl will understand wat I know? Am I looking for good organisation of the youth ministry so tat it would hv direction and a purpose? It may sound sound but no. I think I wanna live a life tat when others see me, they ultimately see His working, His hand, His love. Its not about How good I am but How good He is. BUt yea I hv to control my excitement at times and I know I can be preachy but totally I'm puttin my life on the line nt for my sake but HIm. I want to be transparent, wanna learn and wanna grow and watch others come to know Him. But yea I know I have to control this because I remember we all wanna do alot for Him but reli what does He want us to do? Sometimes we have to be still like right now in my head I gotta reli be on knees because I reli need His direction namely, how to carry on with the youths, the big screening of facing the giants, a mission trip to cambodia, my brothers and lastly a life partner.

I'll start with the last, why not? past 4wks I've been learnin on how to be wise abt choosing a life partner and learnt the seriousness of it tat once we've taken our vows its for better or worse till death do us part and its before God and there is no turnin back whereas b4 the I do's, we can still weigh the relationship. BUt ok I'll make this clear I am not looking for one but I just wanna say tat this is part of surrendering all to Him and to reli entrust it to Him tat he will give me wisdom in my choices. I know I've not been good in this subject my entire life, broke some hearts and hurt some ppl and been hurt but I wanna make it right and live right b4 Him because after all its one way of honoring Him.

Nxt my bros, seeing my dad close to tears reli tears me. I know he had hopes in us in living his dream but apart frm tat I thank God for Him. His expectations may be High and all but reli wats wrong for a father to say all he wants is for us to be happy? Nt just happy temporarily but eternally. Though he wanted doctors, lawyers, professors, engineers, who among us actually are reaching such heights? Look at our lifestyles and priorities. Look at the things we say and do to each other. But reli because of this it just makes me pray even harder and I thank God my parents are prayin with me to face this giant in our lives and sometimes I have to accept tat some ppl hv to go 40yrs in the wilderness before they cross the Jordan to the promised land.

nxt the trip to cambodia. I dunnoe if I'll make it but somewhere inside it tells me go and say yes but I hv to make some confirmations and reli pray for this and I have alr thought of somethings to look out for and pray for more.

nxt the screening? wells screened it with the youths today, thank God they were patient with my sharing after the movie. I pray I din turn ppl off but even if i did i just hope they din see me talkin but rather God i suppose. Lol. BUt hearing their feedback it was good and I understand tat when ppl say in HIs time it reli is because wat i experienced today is this, the movie is good and the applications are good but the honus is to the person whether its the right time for him/her to accept it and believe. Only God can do tat not me. BUt yea I hv to be more objective and not preachy but sometimes i feel u gotta make the pt heard but then again isnt God in control of the words I say? hahas ok i'll take note. But I know God's not finished with this disc and i knew it was coming tat ppl will demand to see the vid and ask to lend it to em so I hv to pray how to do this and be wise in passing it ard or making copies. but ultimately I know havin a youth rally using this to encourage them and pray for changes in ppl's life is whr its headin and i'm not sure if it'll be me or some other person but i know God will make a way.

lastly its the youth work, currently workin closely with my dad on it, have a rough plan and outline for the rest of the year but gotta pray for it.

but reli how are you living ur life? to me the biggest worry and I hv to reli entrust this is my example and my walk, tat wat i speak i do and wat i say i wont do i dun do. tat i wont be another pharisee full of zeal and doin things for God(like a headless chicken) but rather just another servant n child who has still a long way to go and recognises tat i dunnoe everythin. but reli how are you living your life? Even me as much as I know my life is in His hands i hv to do somethin abt it too and entrust it like my recent application to NIE. I dunnoe if i'll get in or not but I just pray tat He'll do wat's best. I know it'll be impossible to do wat i want to do like this course i was eyeing but realistically with my bro's in private institutions how my parents gonna pay for me and takin a loan it'll work but how? but yea even if i dun get it i noe I can still fallback on Him. What abt u? he can open doors and shut doors for whoever watever and in any which way he wants coz he's in control....

but yea i dunnoe its almost june and i wonder how many more things will he show and do through others and me.