to be true...

when u expect God to bless in a particular way, sometimes it doesnt happen. And as much as I feel the way I do today, I know God moves in spectacular ways that I really thank Him for showin who I really am inside. So much so that I reli needed to come face to face with Him and really get in line with Him rather than just go with an unsettled heart. I thank God for ppl who unknowingly remind me of what needs to be done. But I wanna be true to myself. I really am at a loss at what to do.

James 5:16 "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

twice hv i come across this verse, once I acted upon it the second one I hv not decided wat to do and the third, someone in their own words had told me to do it as well. ANd now I am reminded by the voice of my father tat i shd face my problems rather than run away. Since this walk of life is all based on relationships how can we share the joy of the Lord when we ourselves arent joyful? When we ourselves cause unnecessary hurt and unecessary emotions to occur. I admit I am at fault. I admit that in all situations I have a big part to blame and I admit that it was a mistake and I accept the fact that I shd hv been wiser and not have fallen for the same snare I have fallen before...I am disappointed in me and i reli pray for healing.

The devil will rejoice if he sees God's children running from each other. God's children not comin face to face, GOd's children havin preconceived notions of each other and not being true to who they reli are. I dun wanna justify my actions. I dun wanna say I am in the right nor do I wanna say I know the right things. BUt all I wanna say is tat I know I have wronged someone and it still beats at me. The difference between belief and conviction is tat belief is somethin we hold on to but conviction is that which holds on to us. This feelin has been clingin on me since the day I sensed somethin was not right. Like the verse says, how are we to healed if we don't confess our faults and pray for each other. I reli am at a loss and all I can do is just pray for an opportunity to be heard an opportunity for God to heal two people of this uneccessary pain because the pain will never end unless we do wat we are suppose to do and like someone said to me how are we to make others get right with each other if we ourselves have not gotten right with one another? HOw are we to be examples when we ourselves don't do wat needs to be done? I need to work this out. I reli need your blessing in this Lord.

I come before you in lowliness
My face upon Your feet
I dare not look upon Your holiness
Because I am incomplete

I know I caused the joy to flee
Your spirit hangs heavy in me
In everything I do each day
My faults is what I see

I cry out my faults unto You
I say that I'm unclean
My heart is nothin more than a stone
That needs to be broken and made anew

I know I can't do this on my own
I need your guidance from now on
I've made my mistakes
I have taken the fall

Now I need Your grace
Undeserving as I am
Heal this aching heart
Revive the joy in me again
That others may rejoice as well...

I reli have given up on doin this on my own because I know I cant do it without you. As much as it is hopeless, your word tells me that you will guide me and will direct my path. Even now as i hv done wrong you made me turn around and stay and wait upon u because you know i need your peace in my life...and i know you will help me to work this out...and I know words are words and they don't prove anythin....