in the midst of disappointment...

what a wk i'd say. apart frm enjoyin nature and imparting knowledge, i honestly reli feel exhausted. to the pt that i reli cant feel my own feelings. Personally I kinda feel low after the wks events. My boys seem too difficult to teach and make them learn the littlest of skills tat can be imparted. Then again it always seems like i am fighting a losing battle. Trying to get through to them seems like me with a lil spoon tryin to dig out an entire cave.

Then again, as I think it out. These boys reli hv a lil to get out of this entire 2yrs. First and foremost its their size and because of tat their ability to aim high and far seems reli limited. Like it gets me thinking, wats the pt of makin em roll, crawl and fire if they just end up sittin on their bums drivin a tonner for the nxt 2yrs?

I don't blame them for who they r or the situation they're in. Its probably becoz of poor decisions in their lives or just plain old circumstances that these guys end up the way they are. As much as I want em to live a certain way and to appreciate certain things, it seems tat it never works. This wk I reli reli reli feel dat I kinda failed in my task.

Then again, probably I expect too much frm them. Cmon I've never reli experienced this kind of situation in my life. Mixin with different walks of life and reli walkin on a thin line of goin down to their lvl and being a person of authority... And its been how many mths and I still don't know why they r the way they are.

And everyday can seem like a bombardment session whr we just flare up non-stop. Frustrations frustrations. To the pt of reli I just wanna throw in the towel. But whr's the pride of leadin this ppl? Whr was tat spirit of never givin up and showin em the right way to take? It seems like I'm circlin and slowly spinning into a ditch tat I may never get out. Even after pushing a guy to tears it seems tat they just cant work...

Ok I'm not sayin everyone is the same there are those who are workin, those who are tryin, but everytime I look at the ppl I'm leadin, it seriously just makes me feel so low. Like why cant they be like the rest? Why cant I see a single soul tat is willing to listen and just shine? Time and time again they disappoint. Time and time again they get into trouble. There were times whr there were glimpses of hope. Glimpses of change. But it just is tiring tryin to teach and win this ppl over. Draining.

It makes me understand even more that as much as men try to change others, its totally impossible unless God is in it...

ps. Dun wanna dwell on all this negativity anymore...shall just stop here.