waking up

i would say i can look at my results in 2 perspectives, horrible or enough to get me into somethin i wanna do. I believe every time i collect my results its really a humbling experience, though i never got an A or aced subjects i thought i would, i realised whr my incling(calling) lies? but reli the feelin of seeing my grades as they are initially was just like a truck running at 50km and knocking me head on. It was as if the moment i got my result slip frm my class counsellor was like at that moment i was branded in the eyes of everyone a failure, hopeless. I just couldnt speak, i lost all speech and thought and like i couldnt even breathe. So i fled and regained myself as i met ppl, firstly my juniors one of em an og member of mine but mostly him. I guess specifically at that moment in time i din noe wat to do, whether i could even enter a local u or wat. But i guess at that moment specifically and moments later on i'd say God used ppl to calm me down and affirm and spur me. AND I suppose i'd rather not dwell on the why i din do well but rather look at it this way, hey i got just enough to get into a course that I want and its in line with somethin i wanna do in future. ITs at least an opening right? ANd more or less I am sure that it is the door to take.

It would have been nicer if my grades were of course nicer, but yet i have enough. I noe i'm not a scholar, and probably the so called success this world calls will come later and tat i'd just hv to work a lil harder. BUt i'd say i still hv to plan my actions b4 the dateline is over. Yet the more i think abt it the more i understand that yea God is really in this. I wont reveal my plan yet. Just gotta jot it down and put it into action. SO yea if ur gonna ask me my results ask urself why u r askin me? Does my cert really define who i am?

But one thing struck me when chattin with my stoner sis... it was this line tat she said dat "if my grades are lousy and i still slack and play, i will think poorly of u"... (not reli the quote itself but somethin along those lines)

its sobering. Yet its an opportunity. HOnestly i m havin a personal vendetta right now. BUt with good intentions. ANd somehow i've told myself i would not talk to any of my teachers who taught me until i've gone somewhr. Ok maybe i m abit extreme, but right now i reli need time for myself. BUt dat doesnt mean i'm gonna forget wat u've done, but overall my A' level experience is just another chapter in my life. I may not hv the A's to show it, but i guess in the coming days i hv to do wat i hv to do in order to get to the course i want.

Ultimately here are the things i'm happy about:
1. I'm officially an A'level graduate(hv a full cert)
2. I just got the minimum to enter the course I want!
3. I din fail a single subject!
4. I think slowly I've been prepared for this?

But in all things i'm rejoicing yet I know its far frm over but i hv to press on! Thanks for all the prayers ppl, and i guess there is nothing new abt being branded this days, i guess wats new is to re-invent how ppl see you. My grades may reflect badly on me this i noe, yet I noe dat that is not the only thing tat counts.

hahas, i'm just goin in circles. so here's my prayer dat i come up with an action plan and also to manage my finances well so dat i hv enough to cover my tuition expenses in future. And probably look out for doors whr i can apply for a study grant or something?

Me aside, i guess my brothers and I r reli a special lot. I guess my elder bro has realised somethin and i learn frm him and am inspired by wat he said last nite as we battled it out on our lan network. He chose to run frm all this, but it came runnin back to him and slappin him in the face. My younger bro to is in a lurch for applyin to poly. And I'm thankful for one thing, after all being brothers may be the best thing tat can happen to us and with wat we hv i guess probably this is one way of drawing us closer to wat we want?(ok not sure wat i'm sayin but reli i guess if i dun get into the course this yr prayin that i do so i can serve my ns in peace yet i noe if i dun it gives me more time to do up my portfolio but yea for once i can see our common interest in our lives and the potential tat we want to achieve. I guess this is a lil prayer tat one day the 3 of us will get somewhr together.) Just gotta dream, and like nike, just do it. And i suppose i always hv to rem tat watever it is I owe it all to God for the situation i'm in right now!

And yea just gotta do it :)