feelin pretty low this past wk. Kinda accelerated i guess when i booked out and saw the big picture. If i appear grouchy and snap pardon me for being like dat. Its just me when i'm in a mood. I try not to, but i guess we all hv our days?

Its the first time this yr i'd say i find it difficult to smile. ANd be free frm the problems tat are ahead of me. And do u see tat i've alr highlighted the big problem? The thing is i've come to understand wat it means when ppl say dat we focus on our problems more than wat we can do abt the situation we're in. And i guess the result of tat was the wk tat just went by...

lack of motivation, lethargy and prolly idle thoughts which made me fall into temptation and succumb to my struggles. HOnestly it doesnt feel good to know tat i've done this and ended up like this. But then again i'd say tat this guilt is just one of the tools dat he wants to use to make me feel horrible and useless. And to add on to tat, home doesnt seem as green as i thought it was a wk ago.

But i suppose GOd is good, tat in moments whr i reli need tat encouragement He sends ppl to minister unto me. To lift me up when i'm literally sinkin in to this feelings. And its just amazing tat i can even say tat the ppl who talked to me today reli make me wanna just throw away all feelings and hold onto the promises He has given. And there was one who moved me to tears tat i could see tat GOd will make a way. Honestly i would hv crumbled alr. I would hv hated the person who is typin this right now. But tat is not how God wants me to be. The wk tat passed probably is God puttin me through trials, and showin who I am reli inside. The inner things tat He isnt pleased with. Dat how i hv compromised and how I hv unconcsiously entertained the sin dat I myself am not proud of.

But even so I'm thankful tat He even gives me this verse to assure me tat I'm still His!

PS37:23-24
The steps of a good man are ordered by the lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

wells away frm me. I guess many of us may feel like life has taken it toil on us. Like the worse has happened to u tat u've come to the end of the road. I know tat there is a problem in my bros, tat there are matters in their life tat needs to be addressed and maybe they are still searching for tat somethin. Tat somethin tat many of us need to satisfy this emptiness dat we all hv, sometimes. And it occurs to me tat unless opportunity comes i cant do anythin unless the one who is suffering is willing to be helped. And i'm prayin for opportunities and tat God kp watch over them and open up their hearts.

i guess with time movin so fast i've somehow seen how frenships can dissipate, relationships crumble, hearts broken and people changin. Even as i think of my past relations, friends and the condition of my heart, i've realised dat i myself am not free frm this, it shows especially among my brothers n some of my relationships. I guess its just the times? Or it may be distance? Or it may be somethin tat has happened among ourselves? Grudges, personal dislikes? effort? inhibitions? selfishness? and so on...

ANyway shan't harbour on those thoughts now. will write tat down when the time comes. BUt reli sometimes even relations among ppl whom u kp and uphold in prayer tears me apart sometimes seeing how we treat one another... and i noe i myself am not free frm this.

but i guess this past wks i've been seein my attitudes towards these issues unfold and God is reli showing me slowly. As in: in watever i do wherever i go, regardless of situations, GOd is in control. Though i forget HE will always remind me like he did not so long ago. Even in relationships among brothers and sisters, and in relations to come tat will last till i die, its all in His hands.