*chew...chew...

munchin on fried chix and typin with one hand... quite a challenge....well actually was...wells as i was munching the memories of 12 days ago constantly played in my mind...the freshest being last evening's attrocity(dun ask me why but i m just so so -ve abt it)... but oh wells let bygones be bygones. i was just doin a job... but yea it was attrocious beyond reasonable doubt hahas... spare the consolations i'm fine...

anyway i guess i never dared to write much over the past few days coz i felt wats the pt? wat would i get out of it? ppl's sympathy? ppl's attention? why would i wanna say things here and hide behind this entity?

i guess its only human dat we all hv alter egos... different personas every moment, every day. in front of one we show one side, to another the other. i mean no doubt abt it probably i've come to an age where i feel blurting it out in this freaking place is stupid, useless and could be a waste of time. i'd rather just get lost in my own euphoria and not let the world hv a share in it. speak abt selflessness. i m not a gr8 example. i m just some egotistical, testerone charged youth who is dysfunctionally retarded and thinks the whole world is looking at him. v. aptly put indeed.

honestly i wish i was ignorant. at least when i die i knew i din noe and in not knowing i wont feel so bad in blaming someone else for my wrong doing. for instance, my sensitivity, i can sense stuff(well not as good as others but reli its a feeling i cant describe) tat i wish i din. like there are moments when u noe ppl are talkin abt u and they think u dunnoe but somehow u noe and feel they are. often this feelin is true. i aint boasting but reli. but sometimes i can get too-sensitive tat i over estimate and worry for no particular reason. dats why sometimes i believe in ignorance.

one thing i learnt in this 12 days is dat i m reli hopeless... reli... very... unless i change my habits and change my ways and focus on the neccessary, i'd make it. and another thing is dat there is someone up there who is reli watching us. watching over my dysfunctional family no matter how teruk we r. i mean i not only recall the demise of my uncle but also one time when my bro was lying in his puke at the lift area sprawled with his wallet on floor and also the time i lost my wallet. there is reli someone watchin us and i guess out of the 3 cases the most significant one is the 1st. i guess wat made the thing to jam and the thing to drop can only mean its a divine intervention. i mean wat struck me was that after using it on someone it din work as it shd hv. i can imagine the fright of havin one pointed at me n worse when u noe tat wat was suppose to come din come. but oh wells its reli reli amazing and all i can say is dat its pretty impossible it was human error. abt 3 had come out why cant more come out? its rather peculiar isnt it? wells my dad and i did agree dat there was someone there n he was there for a reason.

anyway i guess since i'm being watched i shant take for granted all this and yea at the top i may sound like the ultimate pessimist just leave me be... let me rot in my own self pity. hahas hai... ignore watever i said i dun make any sense to begin with....