i just wanna sigh...kinda overwhelmed i guess. With the usual thoughts. And its interestin how things are unravelling how lives can affect wat we do and who we are. And I am seein it for myself. Its interestin and to be frank saddening. I dunnoe why i feel sad for em or why i feel like this everytime i see it happenin right infront of my eyes and i dunnoe reli dunnoe why i even bother. Its like a laughing matter its like somethin we put no improtance to and at the end of the day wat we learn adn put in our heads we just dun put to practice. I know its tough, I m facin a tough time. You think its easy to be placed in compromising situations whr ppl qn whr u stand? You think its easy to be an example to the peers ard me not just at the place whr i am but to the younger ones? Sometimes i wonder and i fear and hope dat if its reli God who they see in me rather than me... And it just makes me wanna go on knees for em and also for my life... Hahas. ok nvm shall just sweep it under the carpet and just add it to the list...

i'd say i failed today as an example. And i know its been how many wks tat i cant kp to the timin. How many wks i've arrived late and even today i came late. And this irks me coz its not good and i applaud and thank God for ppl who make it a pt to be on time. Unlike me... And I can sense tat when I'm like this there is somethin in my life tat i need dealing and i reli need dealing soon...n sometimes its silly tat i take upon others probs when i myself dont deal with my own. As much good u see in me is not because of who i am but who lives in me...probably u wont get tat. BUt yea i've shared with some tat if i had it my way i'd just go and sulk and be emo and just carry on cursing and cussing and just cant be bothered abt anythin...am i angry u ask? wells frust at myself...frust at alot of things...and its just all welled up inside. I've got things i wanna be rid of becoz i m not who i was 10 yrs back but that which was in me then a part of it still is there. It brings me down but it wont...and its somethin i'm dealin with...anyway i've said it so many times here and yet it seems this doesnt seem to get away...

just deal with me. Just break me and break this feelins this emotions and mend up this life. And its comfortin enough to see others grow as well and see their struggles and their happy moments in life. ANyway how deep do we go in our relations with one another?

i've realised dat the facade we put up is just so clear. And the lipservice we pay so sad, and the double agent lives we live and the so on and on and on. I can just list it all down...but for wat? HOnestly we are needy ppl. We hv to acknowledge tat. WE need alot of things and wat we do can never satisfy.

A God who is there. Its amazing how small he plays a part in our lives. How amazing that in all the impt issues in life we shut him out. I've done it before and i know whr it led me. I made choices on my own based on my own wisdom. WE limit him to the shallow surfaces. And it shows. I'll just say a prayer for all of u and hope tat God will meet u whr u r. I know u all know him in the head but maybe u've never reli trusted everythin tats in ur heart to him...its not a gamble...and i thank God i've let go and surrendered parts of my life to him and daily i hv to tell myself this life is not my own....

ok i guess i wont rant anymore...i'm just down lar...reli....and i wish the Lord give me a freshness only he can give in days to come.

anyway i used to hv someone to remind me of my standing. Remind me of whr I am and how far i've gone. Someone to watch my steps and every footin. Now tat I've taken a few I realise tat there is still someone watchin over me and there is still someone in some sort reminding me of whr I stand. And it seems at time irritatin but i dun wan tat voice to be silent because the day the silence comes would be the day i've lost everything.

i'm just in thought....reli...