smile...

what's there reli to smile abt these days? honestly things didn't work out the way they shd hv yet somehow someway i feel like i m clingin on to the edge of a cliff. Waiting for the inevitable to engulf me. Strength reli draining out of me as the days count down to this one test we all live for before we reli see the "real" world. It happened once, two yrs ago for some 3 for me. Yet what do i get out of all this?

I myself am unsure. Hai, they say to be the best, yet wat does it mean to be? I'm down. Can't deny that. But why smile? When you know u can't do much rite? Wells this aint no cry for despair or some wail for pity or telling this whole world tat me am givin up rite now! I'm just basically hangin on to nothin i guess for now becoz reli what hv i shown? what worth do i hv rite now? A camera, a voice? Geeez...

What am i holding to right now? What am I looking towards that wants me to go on? Once I thought I knew it. NOw it all seems blurred. Let me break it down abit. It seems like the only one to make this family proud lies in me. Speaking abt track record for instance. BUt look at the fam i'm in? Hv i not said enough abt em? BUt wat can i do? Run away? Dun face the day? Drown my sorrow away by watchin cartooons all day?

The root of the prob? I wonder and I wonder and i guess I know wat the prob reli is. Haiz. Wells things gotta take a turn now. I will not just sit here and wait for mths to fake a smile again. Coz after all the only smile i'd like to see is my fam's and not me.

Smile. If only I could just take my mind off this things. Or just pop some pills to make me forget but keep that which are impt. Hahas. Probably shd stop living in a dream and start waking up to live the dream. Its just a mth away. Wat m I doin? Wat is my aim? Wat is the plan?

For the first time i've never heard such an honest plea by you to tell me to hang on. Yet I am barely hangin on. Look through my eyes and tell me if i can? Hai. smile...

i guess no matter wat life throws to me, just gotta make use of it...