my take on this subject...

well firstly i'd like to say my emotional state is stabilising and my mind is cooling down after a wkend i wish i nvr had but anyways i guess been pondering wats goin on with me. Why since the start of this yr i never reli got goin? like i noe its an impt yr but i mean among ppl i seem to be fading in some ppl's lives. I seem to be permanently etched into others or so i seem to think dat way. but like its 2 wks till the term closes and at the rate i m goin. haiz. the yr is ending already for me and to make things worse i am reli reli losing out in this race. besides being surrounded by reli smart ppl, i reli reli feel insignificant. even if i can say the best thing i can do is probably to me just mediocre. oh wells i cant help being pessimistic abt myself. probably dats me. i take it hard on myself all the time.

to make matters worse i realise i hv a lot of pride in me. and like now i cant bring myself to forgive my own bro. cant even bring myself to even look at him if he ever comes back. and like the wkend i hv held back tears. tears of shame and bitterness at the person who i am today.

whr was i? they asked. i couldnt answer. i said they were never around but they asked where was i? i was too busy. so how could they be there?

i envy families whr children and parents can share everything. but i guess i cant ask for too much can i? there must be a reason why my family is goin through this. will it take another death to reli set us back to realise dat we reli need each other? i pray not.

haiz.all i can say is dat when the tears flow then only my heart will start to crumble. breaking down those walls of pride tat stand so grand now. bring in the demolition. ransack this pathetic heart of mine. filled with so much fallacy and insincerity and bigheadedness and pride. break me. even if it means to take away everythin ard me. i cant stand being so shallow. so emotionally consumed. this is my struggle i noe.

till the soil. make it soft so seeds can grow...