blind...

been abt 2 wks now since i've been holding back wat i've been thinking and worrying abt. along the way i realised that my concerns are real and not some misthought misunderstood stuff. and i guess i reli don't wanna spell it all out here coz yea ppl being ppl may not see wat i see. just like wats goin on. sometimes i raise qns and wonder why at a place whr we all are suppose to be one, its not the outside world dat splits us up or brings us down. but rather its the inside ppl who break and shake up the foundation tat was laid. anyway here's somethin i've been incubating for some time.

One day a wk to a sanctuary we seek
whr everyone looks at you and weighs you
according to your looks your mannerism
what you do, who ur with

it may appear as concern
but is it reli genuine?

i may be cynical
but prolly its just cyclical
whr we just throw away responsibility
embrace just activities

and say we can do this
on our own?
all alone?
with God?

and yet we think wats right is right
as long as it feels right
so i'm wondering wats right
if all this doesnt seem right


anyways just a sudden outburst intended long ago. Sunday sch lessons been on hypocrisy and how ppl view christians. Kinda saddening though to see how things reli are turning up. Just throw them in even if we are not in the same mind. It feels stifling when you voice your concerns and yet realise its somethin dats not reli something we wanna take a hold of.

but anyways somehow someone reminded me that yea not to worry. Prolly this is the last time b4 i go off to some place whr my needs are reli met. Whr there is someone who reli looks out for his sheep. Coz reli somehow i just feel dat its abt time i go. BUt its kinda rash to say that now. AM in a period of questioning and wrestling rite now. Am in a state whr honestly I'm unsure whr this life is taking me. Whr nothing seems certain. Even i dun even noe wats this all abt. I'm practically feeling like i'm a lost cause....

hais....

shall just stop now...

sometimes i wonder if its me dats blind...

dun get me wrong...i'm just praying i get some peace...prolly i just gotta believe...

i told my econs tutor tat i got no confidence in answering a particular qn. and she says hv more confidence. you can do it. sometimes its rare to hear someone tell you u can when u hv this feeling u cant.

courage. this mth is reli one of courage i guess. one whr i had to hold it all together. keep a straight face. kp tat smile. kp dat facade high up. but wats there to hide. you can see right through me rite? u noe me more than i noe anything at all...

hai i dunnoe wat i m sayin alr. i noe wats buggin. its tuggin. yet i'm not acknowledgin it. i ask myself is this reli the day i fall. is this reli the yr whr i no i've reached the sky and hit the bottom of the ocean and never go back up but be weighed down by the crushing force of water?

gosh...and i exclaim again. time moves so fast.

hope for the hopeless. believe is all i can? but i hv to do somethin dont i?